I would race....

Catharsis- working through an issue and reaching internal homeostasis... Just reached a point where I can finally begin to see clear. My wife prays in hopes of another miracle for her Mom and as I pray for my in-laws for strength and courage that Denise displays daily. Cancer is a nasty disease! As I pray for my cure, I can only add to my prayers a cure for those who suffer from cancer and for my mother-in-law.

As I blogged I found that this senseless exercise his helping me make things clearer. Yet I began wondering what I would do if given a set period to live. How would I spend that time, who would I seek to spend it with, what do I need to resolve? As I sit back, I begin to think of all of my shortcomings and where I need to make amends, what I need to do, and how I need to do it. And realize, that I am working on being a better person, better husband and companion, and a better father. With all that I do (I think I do things adequately), I never seem to satisfy myself with the results and continue reaching for unattainable goals and unrealistic expectations.

I began this season with a singular focus on September, only to find that things aren't that simple. I struggle with the sense of mortality and now know and am beginning to respect. I have begun to realize some dark truths, those things I will never be, what I will never do and conclude- I can only be me? I have begun my pre-race preparation for the annual rite of Spring, the 25th Columbia Tri, my 5th time racing here, and realize that this is part of me, I am a triathlete, When I race I feel alive. I will not win, or even come close to placing in my age group, but I will race. I will race....and I realize if I was given a short time to live, I would race....